


sweet despair

by notyourbestfriend



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fremione - Freeform, Longing, Song Inspired, cher lloyd - Freeform, fred x hermione, from my tumblr, get ovER IT HERMIONE, im pretty happy with this tho, sweet despair, toxic longing/obsession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:25:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14137902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notyourbestfriend/pseuds/notyourbestfriend
Summary: One mistake it’s all it really takesTo take my breath awayGo on put the knife inRun away, don’t need you anywayAlthough I wish you’d stayGo on put the knife in~ sweet despair, cher lloyd





	sweet despair

All it took was one moment for her whole world to shatter to pieces. 

She didn’t want to ever believe nor accept that one person, that  _he_ , could affect her so much. She didn’t want to give  _him_  the power to destroy her.

It hurt  _so_  much. 

She could feel the pain in her chest, like a weight that never refused to leave. She could feel it in every breath, a never-ending agony. 

She still couldn’t face her best friend on account of how similar they both looked. She couldn’t face looking at someone who had red hair that was ruffled just the same because  _he_  had taught him to do so. 

She didn’t want to hear  _his_  laughter only to find it attached to a different person. He had hurt her, but she still wanted himto stay. 

She didn’t expect that loving someone would hurt so fucking much.

Before Hogwarts, she had spent her childhood watching movies with princes and princesses. Watching happily-ever-afters. She had seen how happy her parents’ marriage was; how great love was.  _His_  parents’ love had only further convinced her that love was indeed very real and very beautiful.

Oh, how very wrong she was.

When she had fallen in love with  _him_ , she was absolutely taken with his playfulness, the way he refused to take life seriously, the way his smile lit up his eyes, making him look incredibly  _beautiful_. 

When she had fallen in love with  _him_ , he had taken her on unimaginable dates; she had never laughed or smiled so much in her entire life. He had shown her the world, in technicolor.

When she had fallen in love with  _him_ , he had showered her with gifts. It was nothing over-the-top or expensive. In fact, they were small trinkets made with love rather than wealth. Once he had given her a necklace that was charmed to turn warm whenever he touched the second half of the half-moon.

The necklace had turned ice cold a long time ago.

When she was in love with  _him_ , he had treated her with utmost respect and love. He had looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He had promised her once, that he would never, ever, ever hurt her, because hurting her hurt him, too.

When she was in love with  _him_ ,  _he_  gave her toe-curling kisses that weakened her knees and brought tears to her eyes. He made her scream in pleasure like no man ever had; he loved her like no one had.

And then  _he_  came home with hickeys all over his body.

She had kicked  _him_  out at first. 

It was a mistake. She wanted  _him_  back, with her. It had only been a month, he would still want her. He would still love her.

She wanted  _him_  to stay. Hedidn’t.

It broke her heart.

She watched the months pass. 

And then one day,  _he_  showed up with a blonde girl on his arm, a diamond ring on her left hand. He had a bright smile on his face, his eyes lit up with unadulterated happiness. 

She found the necklace shattered in tiny pieces.

When  _he_  had his first child, a little girl with bright, blue eyes, she had felt the air leave her lungs, as if it was her last breath.

She sobbed in the hospital bathroom as her tears splattered onto the tiled floor.

When she found herself watching the father and daughter play on a broom, her little pigtails blowing in the wind, her childish laughter echoing in the air, her heart squeezed with the reminder of a future she had lost. 

She had bought all the children a going away present before they left for Hogwarts for the first time, but she found herself unable to look  _his_  daughter in the eye.

When she came back after her second year, her eyes filled with admiration for her,  _the war heroine_ , she found herself looking away. 

She couldn’t face  _his_  child, if it wasn’t hers, too.

When  _he_  was forty-three, his body was ravaged with an incurable disease that left him bed-ridden and magicless. 

She found herself sprawled in the middle of the night at the St. Mungos Medical Library researching  _his_  disease. She didn’t know how else she could help without completely losing herself in the process.

When  _his_  body was lowered six feet under, her heart was beyond repair.

She finds herself reaching out to his daughter, wanting to see admiration in her eyes again. 

It is finally time to let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> _you can find me on tumblr[here](https://sannisideup.tumblr.com)._
> 
>  
> 
> ok so this angst was a whirlwind of emotions, hoenstly. it’s inspired by the song sweet despair by cher lloyd. as u can see the story quite literally parallels the set of lyrics in the summary
> 
> \also like pls dont find this unhealthy longing & obsession “cute” or “goals”; it’s toxic af. no one should be in lvoe w/ someone for yeaaaars after o.p. has moved like srsly. u should at least try to move in, that’s what’s emotionally healthy but basically this is angst for a reason & i just never want to become dependent on anyone so much so that i start to lose myself just ufck no
> 
>  
> 
> **IF YOU’RE HURTING THE WAY HERMIONE IS IN THIS FIC, TALK TO A FRIEND/FAMILY MEMBER/THERAPIST DON’T TORTURE YOURSELF I MEAN SERIOUSLY. YOU DESERVE THE BEST THIGNS IN LIFE!! :) ******
> 
> & that seriousness aside, whyst the fuck did fremione not happen?????
> 
> p.s. if u havent heard sweet despair by cher lloyd go listen to it, homie. aite thanks (also i rly dont use the word homie like that but i felt like it so whatevs)
> 
> p.p.s. i couldn’t have ever written something this good if it wasn’t for @anievul who i consider an angst-reading queen. like legit, she has read so much angst, and is super picky about it, so like she’s the bomb.com. thank u for all ur help!! <3


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